Poetry Blog - A Day In The Life Of A Secretary

Basically I am transferring my more useable Poems, Ditties, Verse and Odes to this Blog. Some people might want to read them and some might not? But for me personally its a little venture through Memory Lane and somewhere to store them too.

By Sam Crowe (Lay)

I have just found this Ode to Secretaries that I wrote back in Mmmmm about 1995 - when I was a Secretary.  I worked at Allied Dunbar in Swindon in the Special Services Department.  Boy did I love that job, and I loved the people I worked with. Because nothing that was done or talked about in Special Services was allowed to be repeated outside the office it brought us all closer together as a Team.  I would put it on a par as when I was in the RAF really.  We worked hard, damned hard and long hours but we played hard.  We were all social animals and had such a laugh together.  Our Boss Shaun had a very large Social Budget to keep the Troops happy.  See if you keep the workers happy, they are happy to work hard and late!!

My first day in my newly bought flat on Eastcott Hill, Swindon. 

I wrote a few poems about Special Services and the people in it but I was asked to write this Secretary Poem.  I was gaining a reputation as the person to come to if you needed a rhyme??? ish .xx As with this, the "Top Secretaries" in the Directors Sweet round the corner from us - we were the next step down from Top Secretary which was a thing to be proud of. Well anyway they ran a monthly Magazine for the "Secretaries and Admin workers" in AD and they wanted a poem from me about what its like to work as a Secretary.  If you aren't one you might not get this, but I tell you what, every Secretary on the top floor was patting me on the back for this insight to throw in their bosses face.  So I will get on with it, I hope you understand and enjoy it.

A Day In The Life Of A Secretary

She usually starts her day, between 8.30 and a minute past nine,

She takes off her coat, turns on her Machine (computer)

and acts as if she's on time!!

She puts on the Kettle to make the tea

and goes to get the bosses breakfast

she opens the post and dishes it out

and by then its nearly ten past

She has a quick gossip,

to get all the news

and checks her colleague's clothes

and gives them her views'

By nine thirty she's raring to go

She does all her re-types and

gets in the flow.

She then starts her typing

she's got loads of that

she books up a meeting

she's got it "off pat"

The phone rings

she answers and puts it through

"O'h sorry, are you busy?

I'll say ring back at two"!

Someone gives her an "Urgy"   (urgent typing)

its got to go quick

but do double spacing

ready for the "amendment stick"??!!!

And by the way

have you not sent that Fax

and can you order some post-its

about 20 packs

And can you please take my phone

cause I'm busy today!

and if I give you some photocopying

will that be OK?

You're behind in your typing

is there a problem!

and look at you're filing

Where did you get all that from??

There's a query with fees, and by the way

the Boss wants some Tea's

is the post ready yet?

I've got loads of files I want you to get.

Where's the amendments on that "urgy"

It's coming to the crunch

and by the way it's half past two

haven't you had your lunch?

I've got a new case

can you do that first

the boss wants more Tea

He's got such a thirst!

She starts her typing

and the phone rings again  

"where has he been

I phoned him at Ten"??

Are you sure you gave him that message to ring?

NO YOU CAN'T HELP ME OUT

YOU SILLY THING!!

It gets to 5.30 and she sighs with relief

she can now start her work without any grief

the office is empty

the phones on the machine

its quite a busy job

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN???

                                                 By Sam Crowe (Nee Mee)

Me and my Siobhan

Ha Ha two very funny people Angela and Dave Where is Linda???

Aw Lovely Lisa and Me!

Shaun our Boss and his lovely Wife Bernie

Ah there is Linda and Dave with his ever redundant Tool!!! and our Daz

Look here is my Ever redundant........!!!

Ah bless lovely Man

I actually worked for Six Consultants and stood in for the Director's Secretary. My best mate, Siobhan who I still see from time to time when I nip to Swindon.

So, the Social Life

This was a Poem I wrote when they split our Department in two.  I stayed on the Special Services side but there was a group who split off and went to the Compliance side and to a different Office and a different floor.  That was a sad day. So for our leaving do my Mate Siobhan said it would be a good idea if I wrote a poem for the occasion.  So I did, and I named everyone in the Department.  There are a lot of "in house" jokes in this poem and it probably doesn't transfer well, you know the saying, its was so funny but you "had the be there".? But as this Blog is a place for me to store my Poems, Odes and Ditties I will note it down anyway.

Farewell To Special Services

Well its the break-up of our Department

and i'd like to render to you

something on everyone here present tonight

A Little Ditty or Two!!

AND HERE WE GO

Do you remember the night when Brenda fainted

and nearly followed through

and did you know Daz has a girlfriend but isn't tainted

OR is that NOT QUITE TRUE!?

Nicky decided to run a Half Marathon

Just a mile or two

and the winner for the most food consumed

is our ever skinny Sue

We've all seen Amanda arrive at work

in her Big Black Floppy Hat

we've all had a Lisa Maisi  Xmas Card

and we're very grateful for that!!

Now Graham he is a Sad Case

although he is no fool

but all he wants is a regular friend

for his ever redundant tool !

Siobhan is highly thought of

warm feelings in everyone's heart

but if you give her any grief

you'll be wiped from the Holiday Chart

NOW Fiona we don't know much about

nor Craig though he seems just fine

but I'm sure Lynn will get the gossip on them

if she's given a little time.!!

We've had toast in the morning

and champagne at night

and cakes like you wouldn't believe

but there's one question on everyone's mind

DID WE EVER GET A CAKE OFF STEVE???

We had Marion's 50th Birthday Bash

on the odd occasion when we laid down our tools

we've had a couple of drinks from the petty cash

and all got wrecked and acted like fools.

We've seen Linda dancing in a VERY strange way

and what happens to Angelica when she comes out to play?? OMG (you had to be there!)

We've all heard Shaun's ramblings

when he's had the odd Stout

and we've all seen his Wallet

"with NOWT TAKEN OWT"!!

we've got Graham Mann who is a family man

and he has to be home by five

Debbie who loves to make everyone's tea

so she can have a little Skive!

We've got Jackie who is a charity freak

though you wouldn't really know

and her life entails so much sport

that she has to use "Wash & Go"

We've seen David Peterson's Periscope

which really wasn't much cop

and we all saw Angela Brown's Belly Button

at the time when it went POP!

Now Audrey she is the bashful one

no really I'm taking the piss

and weather her bridesmaids would be wearing clothes

was really Hit & Miss??

Now Mrs Knowles made Sausage Rolls

and she liked to make them at home

and i'll SING you the remainder of this song

if you say you DON'T like my poem!! (that was my party piece) Yawn")

And Now My Friends The time Is Near...

the final curtain we have to face

BUT there is one thing of which I'm certain

SPECIAL SERVICES was a happy place!

We laughed

we took the piss

we worked together

like Brames and Lyst

We took the falls

WE HAD IT ALL

we did it  - OUR WAY!!!

This was a very sad moment as Allied Dunbar and especially Special Services and the people in it had been and is a big part of my life. 1988 -1997

Then I left to move back up NORTH

This was my goodbye poem to my boss, our Director - Shaun.  Who's Wife I recently got in touch with on Face Book. He was a great Boss!! and such a good laugh too.

Our Angelic Angela with the Popped out Belly Button, she was carrying a baby at the time!!!

GOODBYE

Shaun, do you remember me

Or has it been too long

I'm the one who cries with wine

and tends to burst into song.

I'm the one you sat in a car with,

with stockings and knickers and dress

playing with Trevor's Blow Up Doll

God, didn't she look a mess!!!

I've twice been called a Character

but in my mind, no more than you

we've both had the odd embarrassment

whilst on many a SPEC-SVS do!

Well I'd like to say Goodbye

You've been such a pleasure to know

and although I will miss your humour

I won't be sorry to go.

And when I am an Air Hostess

and I turn up a little bit late

Do you think they will be as good as you

and ask the Plane to wait?

I could always become a house-wife

the hours would suit me fine

and if Paul was feeling rampant

I'd get plenty of overtime (I can't believe I put that???)

Goodbye, Farewell and Bon Voyage

have a pleasant LIFE

I hope your future comes up bright

and you don't get grief from your Wife (sorry Bernie!)

                                     By Sam Mee

Then I met my Other Half

and he got on well with out Motley Crew

But he still whisked me away to the Frozen North right back to the very spot I had started from!!!

Oh dear typing that one has made me all nostalgic. I do miss those care free days sometimes.

So if you are still here - thank you for reading to the end. I do appreciate that my Poems are very personal but I think some of it might hit a core with some people. xx

By for now

Sam Crowe.